Real Estate Staging / Home Staging Blog

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The gift of tears

Well, when it comes to ActiveRain I have been kind of quiet all week long. While I've popped into the rain here and there... and made some comments, I have not posted. I didn't post for a couple of reasons. First, after reading many of the last few posts by Jeff Turner I have been moved deeply and profoundly and I am doing much reflecting, both personally and professionally. Next, since this was to be my 100th post, I wanted it to share something of value, something thought provoking.  

Many of you who have read my posts have enjoyed my "unique" sense of humor. I've used humor to attract your attention and share my thoughts... especially when it comes to home staging.

But every now and then, if you have followed along my posts or read any my comments you will noticed that I have let out a "secret"... I am a crier.

Crying is a part of me. I see it as Yin to the Yang of laughing. It is a gift God gave me. It was as if He was going to allow me to make a person laugh... He wanted me to also know and relate to what makes people cry.

I cry when I see people overcome insurmountable obstacles, I cry over blatant injustices, I cry when I see people achieve their dreams, I cry when people fail after giving all they could, I cry at overwhelming kindness, I cry for expressions of profound love and gratitude, and I cry when I see the deep pain and sorrow that holds and surrounds people.

It is no secret showing emotion (crying) is often viewed as a sign of weakness in our society.  So people, mainly men, choose not to show emotion. In the pursuit of perfection, the "better" way is to hold it in and stuff it down. That way, the world only sees what we allow... a perfect person, flawless and unflappable.  But I am not sure that is the answer. The Center for Disease Control reports that suicide is the eighth leading cause of death for all U.S. men and that males are four times more likely to die from suicide than females.

I sometimes wonder what would have happened if as a child, my brothers and I had seen our own father cry. Would he have been less of a man? Less of a father? I think not. But I can't help but wonder... what would happen if society gave way to a fuller expression of emotions?

I ask this now, as an adult and after finally seeing my father cry. But I did not just see my father cry... I saw him weep. Weep for the loss of his first born son.  A son that chose to take his own life. A son who to the world had it all... the perfect life. But "perfect" was a hard facade for my big brother to constantly maintain... a man that did not cry.

So today, on the 2nd anniversary of my brother's death, I promise you, within a quiet moment of a memory of my big brother... I will cry.

Me

Comment balloon 73 commentsCraig Schiller • December 15 2006 07:00AM

Comments

Hi Craig, Congrats on #100. What an excellent post. I have to say I am one of those that rarely shows emotion. I'm getting better at it as I get older but still I rarely show anyone including TLW my "inner" self. I've always been that way. I think it's from going through so many difficult times in my life. I taught myself to "man" up and it has stuck with me. It has it's advantages (I think).

Thanks also for sharing about your brother. I can't even imagine how difficult that must have been for you and your family. I have 3 brothers. I bet he is very very proud of you. You are in m y prayers today, Craig.

BTW You're a good man. 

Posted by Bryant Tutas, Selling Florida one home at a time (Tutas Towne Realty, Inc and Garden Views Realty, LLC) almost 14 years ago

'Craig The Reala Stager'

Congratulations on your 100th post. Yipee! Hooray! I am jumping up and down with joy. Oh! Wait! On my goodness that was a tear of joy. I thought I must be allergic to something. :)

We are all grateful for your presense in The Rain. I for one certainly appreciate you posting this in Spiritual Rain. God has many gifts for us. :)

I am sorry about your Brother. I truly am. Don't pay any attention to my husband. I see his 'inner self' all the time. After decades of living with him his 'inner self' shines through that whole man up thing. :) Broker Bryant is what I call 'emtionally challenged'. :)

I gave you a little gold star for this God inspired heartfelt post. Thank you for sharing your inner soul with us. :)

TLW "The Lovely Wife"...aka Misty...IMO God Inspired This Post...ROAR!

Posted by "The Lovely Wife" (Broker Bryantnulls Wife) The One And Only TLW. (President-Tutas Towne Realty, Inc.) almost 14 years ago

BB & TLW: I it is not surprising that you 2 would be the first to comment. Thank you. And thank you also for being the kind of voices that share both WHO you are as well as WHAT you know here in the rain. 

 

POST SCRIPTS:

  1. Working in commisioned sales for most I my life.. I know how tough the profession can be. And I know that this year has been especially "tough" on the real estate industry and realtors in particular. Being truly 'perfect" is knowing, embracing, and working around and in spite of our imperfections. As Jeff Turner JUST said Success Or Failure Can't Be Judged In The Moment .
  2. Death by suicide quite often becomes "dirty" secrets that families and survivors "stuff down" and hide. So while I will NEVER fully understand my brother's choice... I am not ashamed.
  3. The picture I used in this post is of Tiger Woods just after winning the 2006 British Open.  Why he cried I do not know... I do know his father had recently passed.
Posted by Craig Schiller almost 14 years ago

Congrats Craig on your 100th post! I have always loved reading your posts...this one is no exception. I am sorry about your brother...the pain of that loss is something that will stay with you forever but you're remembering  him this way with us is truly special. I'll hug my loved ones today.

Monika 

Posted by Monika McGillicuddy, Southern NH & the Seacoast Area (Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices Verani Realty) almost 14 years ago

Craig, Craig, Craig...

Ok, I'm sitting here crying right along with you.  You'll be in my thoughts throughout the day.

Fran

Posted by Fran White, Kansas City North Real Estate, 816-682-3897 (North Kansas City Real Estate, Reece and Nichols Residential) almost 14 years ago

Craig-

I think I "Love" you.;)  You have definitely created a soft spot in my heart for you.  Let me explain...

My husband is a crier.  I love that about him. Why? Because I know he is emotionally invested in those things that make him cry.  He cried when I said "YES!", all through our wedding, when he found I was pregnant (both times), when the girls were born, when he found out they were girls, always on the first day of school, etc.  As we sat at our oldest daughter's first madrigal dinner this weekend, he teared up as we watched her sing "Oh, Holy Night".  This makes he love him even more.  Because it is love that makes him cry and it takes a truly strong man to show his love shamelessly.  What woman doesn't want that in a husband?

I will pray for you  - that you will continue to shamelessly mourn for your brother.  There is no greater way to honor him than to show that he meant something to you and that you loved him.  I will also be mourning a loss this week - My grandfather would have been 86.  I will cry when I teach my girls about the grandfather they did not get to meet, but meant so much to me.

Cry on Craig...and don't be ashamed.

Posted by Kimberly Wester almost 14 years ago

Hi Craig,

I feel so honored that you chosen the folks at AR (inclding me) to share such a private and intimate part of your life.  I have never lost a loved one in such a tragic way and I can't even beging to imagine how awful that must have been for you and your family.  

Thanks for remind me that; I should not wait (to say I love you to a loved one) (to follow my dreams)(to be happy), I should not hate and I should not hold what we I feel one extra day.  Thank you for sharing and I offer my virtual shoulder for you to cry.  I am really glad to have met you!  

P.S Looking forward to your 200 mark 

Posted by Blanca Cholewczynski, XCO (U) almost 14 years ago

Craig, a wonderful post, and you'll be in my thoughts today. 

I respect both the criers and the non-criers for what they bring to us.  The criers for their open sharing of emotion; and those who cry but seldom, like your father, who reserve their tears to honor only the most overwhelming of emotions, good or bad.  I've learned that both have their place in our world (and sometimes in the same life at different times), and neither necessarily means a lack of emotion. 

As for Tiger Woods, I imagine, having watched it at the time, that he was overwhelmed with both the victory and the bittersweet knowledge that his father would have been so proud and that this was the first victory that his father had not shared with him in the flesh. 

Posted by Tricia Jumonville, Texas REALTOR , Agent With Horse Sense (Bradfield Properties) almost 14 years ago

Hi Craig,

Congrats on 100 and thank you for sharing your story about your brother. It brought tears to my eyes. I too would be considered a crier. I cry when my favorite team wins. I shed tears when I see certain people awarded accolades that they are so deserving. I weep in public when inspired by others. I wept when Tiger Woods won this year at The British Open because of what his dad meant to him. It amazes Monika that I can shed a tear when I am happy or sad.

I had an ex-brother inlaw who took his own life in 1989 and I miss him to this day as I know we would have kept in touch all these years. My prayers are with you and your family today. 

Thanks for sharing, Jay 

Posted by Craig Schiller almost 14 years ago

Craig - what can I say? 

I am sorry for you loss - That really must be a hard thing for you and your family to deal with, still.  by posting this for you 100 milestone - is just .. well I am speechless.  You took a tradegy and you now added a milestone, something that you will always remember.  Today you will always remember as the anniversary of your brother as well as the day you wrote your 100th piece.  (((Craig))) <--thats a hug.

Posted by Christine Forgione, Associate Broker (1) almost 14 years ago

Craig,

Did you try to "kill" me emotionally today? I am with you on this memorial day, and I'm sorry such tragic event occured to your family. Thats tough. Cry, thats ok . I've seen men crying in military funerals for losing friends, not brothers, but brothers alike. I was one of these men. it is a source of releif (for the moment) when one cries. As Kimberly wrote nothing to be ashamed of. I'm deeply touched with the post of the day.

Posted by Eli Magen (New World Mortgages,(Mortgage Company)) almost 14 years ago

Craig ~ you've got me crying too. So sorry to hear about your brother it is not an event that will ever leave you.  Nothing is worse than not getting to say good-bye to a loved one and having a tragedy like this you wish you could have prevented. 

Congratulations on your century milestone.  You've been a major asset to the AR community, funny, kind, inspiring and motivational.  You are part of the glue that keeps us together.

Thanks for sharing.

kk

Posted by Kristal Kraft, Selling Metro Denver Real Estate - 303-589-2022 (Novella Real Estate) almost 14 years ago
Favorite Craig: I feel honored that you would let me shed a tear of love with you with this post. It's a deep personal loss for you made all the more complex because he took his own life. It strikes me as humbling and wonderful that blogging exists so therefore you are able to share his memory with all of your friends around the Country through this medium. Congratulations on the post, your 100th, and thank you for being such a good soul.  Love ya.  3C
Posted by Carole Cohen, Realtor, ePRO (Howard Hanna Cleveland City Office) almost 14 years ago

Craig,

I'll never know where my mother found the strength to speak so poignantly at the funeral of her only son, my brother, who, like your brother seemed to have a beautiful life.  To this day I find it difficult to talk about my only sibling, and 12 years have passed since his internal battle with himself ended.

I can also say that 12 years later, I have a wonderful relationship with my brother's son.  He brings us great joy and we love him immensely.  I regret that my brother never got to know this beautiful boy who is now on the verge of becoming a man. 

Both you and your family will be in my thoughts today.   I know your pain.  My cheeks are not dry now either.

Maureen 

Posted by Maureen Francis & Dmitry Koublitsky, Coldwell Banker Weir Manuel (Coldwell Banker Weir Manuel) almost 14 years ago

Holy COW - Maureen -

Just the words that his son is now on the verge of being a man........ OK - I have to get off of here - I am just a mess now... 

Posted by Christine Forgione, Associate Broker (1) almost 14 years ago
Maureen...oh boy...I'm so sorry to read that you are also experiencing such a tragic lose...now I'm getting quite emotional...2 stories like that at once, I hope nobody else here is going to add on top of it.
Posted by Eli Magen (New World Mortgages,(Mortgage Company)) almost 14 years ago

Yes, Craig...tears are a very good thing.

I always wonder about those people who don't/can't cry. Your brother had some conflicts and that was the only way out for him. So sad. What we all know is that an abrupt leaving makes it harder on the family. Lots harder.

But remembering our departed family members during the year strengthens us and helps weave the tapestry of our lives. Light a candle for him.

Happy, sad 100!

Posted by Eileen Landau, ABR, CRS, e-PRO (BAIRD & WARNER, NAPERVILLE) almost 14 years ago

Great post Craig, congrats on the 100!

Thank you for sharing the story of your brother. My children hadn't seen me cry until about nine years ago when my wife's (Lisa) mom passed away, we were close and when Lisa started speaking at the funeral I was sobbing, along with all 3 of my sons. The oldest boy later told me that he didn't think he was going to cry until Grandpa & I started bawling.

None of my boy's are afraid to cry... but they sure like to give me a hard time when I tear up at a sappy moment in a movie.

I like that they feel comfortable razzing me... my Dad died when I was 5 months old, so I never had a strong or consistent male role model in my life... I'm just winging it.

Thanks again

Posted by Angus in Naperville IL (RE/MAX of Naperville) almost 14 years ago

A Gold Star for Craig SchillerOh, Craig, this is SO much better than our off-post discussion. And you are SO deserving of all the support you are receiving here. I can't imagine what you and your family have gone through.

From the time I first "met" you here, I knew you were a QUALITY GUY. This post just continues to reinforce what many of us already knew from your caring off-post emails to your humorous comments.

Until the AR Gods get around to it, here is a big Gold Star for your 100th post - which should be a must-read for all members. Now, I have to go get a tissue ...

 

Posted by Elaine Reese, REALTOR® in central Ohio (Real Living HER, Powell Ohio) almost 14 years ago
 Craig, I read your post twice, thought about it for a few minutes to try and come up with something clever, interesting or original to say and all I can think of is... if your brother was anything like you, I can see why you miss him so much. You're an amazing human being and thanks for sharing this part of you with us.
Posted by marti garaughty, a highly caffeinated creative type... (garaughty.com) almost 14 years ago

TEARS ARE A CLEANSING OF THE SOUL.

I appreciate your transparency.  Growing up we were always told that crying was for sissys and that included girls.  It made me tough but kept all emotion inside.  Now that I am older and hopefully wiser I cry when I feel that emotion. My husband is a crier and I so respect him for being soft.  It has never made him less as a man. 

Keep your chin up.  You know if your brother is in a better place that he has a bigger house than you.  My father just passed away this year and when I feel sad I think of his home and it makes me giggle. 

Let the joy of the Lord be your strength. 

Posted by Craig Schiller almost 14 years ago

Although I want to congratulate you on your 100th post, I want to thank you as well for letting know who the REAL CRAIG is.  I am also extremely emotional and I cry all the time (it's a big joke with my family....oh no! here she comes again!  make sure you stuck up on tissue......should we mop?).  So needless to say.....you made me cry.  I am so sorry to hear about your brother and can't begin to imagine what your family has gone through.  I will add you, your brother and your family to my prayers.  And please go on and cry, there is nothing wrong with expressing emotion - and if you need a crying partner, count on me.

ines

Posted by Rick & Ines - Miami Beach Real Estate (Majestic Properties) almost 14 years ago

You are a kindred spirit! This old goat has shed many a tear over his lifetime—and still—for my late wife—for my parents (gone more than 40 years)—for old friends, never forgotten—even for my faithful dog CooCoo—and now with your 100th post.

Jay Merton

Posted by Boomer Jack Boardman & Carl McIntyre, the Codgers (Noted Curmudgeons) almost 14 years ago

Craig,

I am at a loss for words. How amazing that on the anniversary of his death is your 100th post in a place that you obviously enjoy and have mad ea name for yourself in. And what a thoughtful post. As a mother, I can only imagine what your father must have felt. Weeping has not been condoned for men for years and for someone who was brought up that way to let himself go had to have had tremendous feelings.  Although, my younger brother did not take his own life when he passed away at 35 with an incurable brain tumor, the feelings of sadness are still the same. We never forget nor understand. Most I can do is send you a hug:)

Posted by Karen Hurst, Rhode Island Waterfront! (RICOASTALLIVING.COM) almost 14 years ago

I hold your hands for your losses!  And give you some thoughts that have helped me over time.

  • The heart that never hurts is hollow
  • Crying for happy and love is honorable -- in honor we weep and bathe our sorrows as well
  • It is good to have been born near the water

 

Posted by JudyAnn Lorenz, Virtual Marketing Consultant (Bar JD Communications) almost 14 years ago
I don't know what to say, Craig.  I'm sorry and my prayers are for your brother tonight.
Posted by Brian Brady, 858-777-9751 (San Diego VA Home Loans/858-777-9751) almost 14 years ago

Craig, I am a crier too.  I cry whenever I watch a sad movie. I cry when I feel someone's pain.  It's like God has given me their experience and my heart feels it, so as I type this, I am wiping back tears.  

A few years ago someone broke into my sister house and were surprised to find her, so they shot her 6 times.  That night while she was in surgery...All I could do was cry!  She is fine now by the way.  That night when the doctors were telling my family the possibilites..we all cried together, even my DAD! 

My heart feels your heart and says to your heart, it is ok to CRY! 

Posted by Craig Schiller almost 14 years ago

Craig

I will cry with you. We will cry for what might have been. Those we love may not be with us, but they are never far from us (always in our hearts and minds)

Posted by Allison Stewart, St. Cloud Fl Realtor, Osceola County Real Estate 407-616-9904 (St.Cloud Homes ) almost 14 years ago

This is just somewhat ironic to myself - Somehow I feel guys who fail to show their emotions seem cold to me. A guy who can cry makes me feel that he is human - one with emotions and beyond. I dont see my husband cry that often, but when he does, (or I can hear his voice start to get emotion), I pray for him to release it..... Nothing wrong with a real man crying.

Posted by Loreena and Michael Yeo, Real Estate Agents (3:16 team REALTY ~ Locally-owned Prosper TX Real Estate Co.) almost 14 years ago
Craig - My prayers are with you. 
Posted by Maureen Maureen almost 14 years ago

Craig, Thanks for sharing. I too am a crier and can relate to those hot buttons that give way to endless streams (Like your post). I too have read your posts, and in so doing recognize that much is said about the author, in the choice of topic and method of expression. Honesty and thoughtfulness readily come to mind when I think of you. It is our humanity that  connects us, one to the other. The pain of your experience is felt here at AR, and our hearts are touched by sorrow for your loss, yet filled with joy for your presence.

Peace be with you.

Posted by William Collins, Property and Asset Management (ERA Queen City Realty) almost 14 years ago
Craig, I'm glad you chose to make your 100th post one that was about what really matters.  I'd say more, but I'd be wasting words.
Posted by Gabriel Silverstein, SIOR (Angelic Real Estate, LLC) almost 14 years ago

Craig, sorry to hear that your brother took his life.  I am someone that does not cry, I have had my eye water a couple of times, but I do not cry.  I agree with you that a person that can show that emotion is better off than not showing it, but for me it is something that I have never been able to do, it isn't because I don't want to, I just don't and can't explain it.  I am the oldest of my brothers and sisters, and maybe that is a first born thing, but I can tell you as the first born there is pressure.  Not pressure that anyone in the family puts on you, but pressure that you put on yourself.  Thank you for sharing this with us on your 100th post.

Posted by George Souto, Your Connecticut Mortgage Expert (George Souto NMLS #65149 FHA, CHFA, VA Mortgages) almost 14 years ago

God bless you, Craig....... My mom died when I was 7 years old...... my dad died about 4 years ago....

I have no grandfathers and grandmothers anymore... just one Aunt and one Uncle...... almost everyone has passed on in my family.

I know God turns sorrow into laughter and ashes into joy......may He do that for you......

I feel closer to you....now that I know you have suffered like that..... I have a blog on myspace if you care to read it....... yes, we learn valuable things by crying and showing our emotions..... healing can take place faster if we let it out and turn to the One who heals and blesses......

www.myspace.com/alex1961

Take care my friend........

Posted by Alexander Harb, Dallas, Texas Real Estate Investing (Knights Investing) almost 14 years ago

Hi Craig..         ok,ok, I'll admit, I didn't read all the comments above, .. yet.

I have 'seen' you around in the rain, and I figured to stop by when I saw you were a 'crier'. Since Mortgage George has already called me a 'softy' I figured that I would come your way. Birds of a feather, right? :)

I enjoyed this post because of your level of sharing. Thanks for that. I think that this is my main reason for being a part of AR.. to meet and learn about people. I am very sorry for your loss and you and your family + brothers will be in my prayers. I dont think that crying makes anyone less of a person. To me, it makes you a more real person.

This statement is interesting.. "So people, mainly men, choose not to show emotion." IMHO, this is when people worry about what others think of them. This is controled by our 'manager' a.k.a. Our EGO. You have control over your ego, and that allows us to see the real 'inner' you.  again, thanks for that.    As somene who always wears their heart on their sleeve, I can relate 100%.  I admire your guts to share this post online in front of all to see. I think that this blog may help you (and others) heal some wounds, no matter how large or small they are.   I mean, Jeff T's posts make us think and ponder things that I wouldn't otherwise take the time or even consider to.  So Craig, it seems you have touched plenty of people here with your blog in another way.. a more emotional angle. reminds me of a post written by a shorter, but dashingly handsome young man.. me. (so now you have 1 credit to post a shameless plug on my blog)

blog on, brother.. blog on.

Posted by Nick M., Realtor-Appraiser in West Palm-South Florida Real Estate Appraiser (Certified Residential Appraiser- West Palm Beach Real Estate) almost 14 years ago

Nice post. I have recently retired from the airlines and have moved out to San Ramon, CA to work with my brother in the business. We have wanted to work together for some time and it is great. I am reminded every day of how preciious life and people are.

The rejection of tears and such starts early in life. We mistakenly reason as young people that we can shut down and keep out what upsets. This only hardens us to everything including the sublime.

It's 7:40pm Saurday, Dec. 16. I think I will drag out one of my poems and do a post around it and our brothers. 

Posted by Harper Team (J Rockcliff Realtors) almost 14 years ago

Craig, I was gone from home for 5 days, so I stayed away from the computer yesterday and spent time with the family. I started going to my favorite spots this morning and was obviously moved. I was moved by any role I may have played and moved by your story. There are no accidents in life. Your story forced me to think about my own four sons and the lessons I am teaching them. I won't go into that here, but I cry at the drop of a hat. I'm not ashamed of it. I'm glad you're not either. 

I have never lost a sibling. I have no idea what level of pain and introspection that must have brought to you. No idea what kind of changes it may have inspired. I have no idea what kind of man you were before, but posts like these give me clear insight into what kind of man you are now. I am proud to "know" you. 

Posted by Jeff Turner (RealSatisfied) almost 14 years ago

Congradulations on your 100th post Craig.

I feel honored that you shared such a personal and profound experience with us.  My husbands mother enede her own life after finding out she had a debilitating degeneratvie disease so I can somewhat relate.

I never knew that suicide was prevelant here in the States; so sad.  Thank you for sharing

Posted by Jessica Hughes (Ambiance Staging) almost 14 years ago

Craig,

That was a touching and poignant post.

Like you, I lost my older sibling in the month of December. Judy did not blatatanly take her life, but died of complications of an injury sustained by blatantly reckless skiing down slopes of Aspen.

It will be  14 years on New years Eve that she has been gone , and I still weep and ache with the loss. I thought we would grow old together but God had a different plan.

The gift of tears is a blessing. My husband Roger truly has it. He will choke up at the drop of a hat. In fact twice today he let loose. Once while listening to a Gospel song, and another tonight while caroling at the homes of the elderly and infirmed of our parish.

We weep with you for your loss. Thank you for going to those rough places and sharing your pain with us.

Ginger

Posted by Ginger S, Wilmington NC Real Estate & Relocation~ (Wilkinson & Associates, Wilmington NC) almost 14 years ago

Monika: Hug and hug some more and then more. Don't stop.

Fran: We both made each other cry recently. Your comments about your hair stylist really inspired me

Kimberly: Thank you. And I PROMISE... never will I be ashamed.

Blanca: Don't wait to say it... the only true "magic" in the world is LOVE.

Tricia: GOOD point... this is not a "non-criers" bashing either. We are all gifted differently. Respect for

Jay: I know you know what I mean... thanks.

Christine: Thank you. I believe even the saddest tragedy can be turned around. Who knows who may have read this and how it may have helped... even the tiniest bit. That is the power of the truth.

Eli: You comment reminded of my brothers funeral. I was a pallbearer. As we left the church, and it was a BIG church and it was packed, soooo many men were weeping. Men of all types.  I'll NEVER forget that it was a powerful testament to my brother.

Kristal: The best glue is REAL glue. Not fake glue. I is what I is. I am just glad others here in the rain allow and accept what is the back-story of our professional selves.

3C: Keeping my brothers memory alive is part of why I posted. He was an amazing man.

Maureen: I am sorry for your loss. I know you know how my family and I feel. They GREAT thing is I am sure see some of your brother in his son. I know I do in my brother's children. How beautiful is that?

Eileen: It was a "Happy, sad 100!" What sweet way to put it.

Angus: Of course there is a time and a place for tears. Unfortunately for me... I'll cry at something as mundane as a motor oil commercial.

Elaine: I am glad you are back in the rain. I really am. Share your voice... it needs to be heard.

Marti: Your comment is one that I just could not get out of my head after reading it. First thank you... My brother was 100 times better than me... he was a VERY good man, by every measure. Thank you.

Meleny: I agree... as I say he is the "lucky one".

Ines: As I get older, I get MORE emotional. I used to give my Mom cards... and as a joke fold a Kleenex in it. NOW... I need the Kleenex in the card.

Jay: Thar's wisdom in them words.

Karen: Thank you. I just see Active Rain as just another neighborhood in my life. To always project a "perfect" is not a good thing. Reality is reality.

Judy Ann: Oh and there are many hollow hearts. I think that if we share from the heart, we can help fill some of the hollow ones.

Brian: Prayers are good and ALWAYS welcome.

Marci: The tragedies of life come in all shapes and sizes. The good news is... so do the joys.

Allison: I carry my brothers business card with me at all times. To remind me to be a man of integrity... as was he. Thank you.

Loreena: Oh how I agree... "Nothing wrong with a real man crying."

Maureen: Thank you.

William: Yes... "it is our humanity that connects us, one to the other." Even in a cyber world.

Gabriel: Thank you

George: I TOTALLY get what you are saying and believe you. And I know you know the JOY and pressure (cause that IS what it is) of being the first born.

Alexander: Yup... that God guys is pretty "clever." He can turn sadness into something more. We just need to be open to looking for it and creating it with his help.

Nick: Who I is is who I is. This is all I have to REALLY bring to the rain.

Sanny: (I hope you like your new name) Thank you.

Jeff: You have "gifted" me already with your words. I wanted to do the same for others... on an entirely different level here in the rain.

Jessica: Often Suicide is a hidden secret... which I think is one of the reasons it has such "power" as an option for people to take.

Ginger: I made sure that I had a JOYOUS Christmas. I believe Christ CAME for just that reason... to be anything but joyous would be ignoring faith. But that doesn't stop me from having a tearful moment every now and then.

Posted by Craig Schiller almost 14 years ago

Craig,

I can see why you are so successful.....you have an attitude of excellence, you are gentle, kind, and have a sense of humor.... you look for the good in life and what you can do to better yourself......

May God continue to bless you, my friend....

=-D

Posted by Alexander Harb, Dallas, Texas Real Estate Investing (Knights Investing) almost 14 years ago

You are an inspiration Craig.  I cry with you today.  <snif>  I'm a crier but I'm a big smiler too!  And I see from your photo that you are a smiler too!  

I'm a golfer - I cried along with Tiger that day.  A very emotional moment!

Posted by Linda Davis (RE/MAX Home Team) almost 14 years ago
I just came back and read this post again. Thank you for taking the risk on this one. I keep trying to remember all of the times I've seen my father cry... they are few and far between, but each time has been a breakthrough in our relationship. This makes me want to stare my little guys in the eyes, tell them how much I love them and break out in full bawl. 
Posted by Jeff Turner (RealSatisfied) almost 14 years ago

Even though I did not know your brother, he was fortunate to have you for a brother! It takes a real man to share such personal feelings. Thanks for allowing us into your life. Your specialness comes through loud and clear. With admiration, Margaret

www.Homerome.com

Baltimore,Md

Posted by Margaret Rome Baltimore 410-530-2400, Sell Your Home With Margaret Rome ( HomeRome Realty 410-530-2400) almost 14 years ago

Craig, your post brought tears to my eyes, literally.  Your honesty and sorrow are so real that I could almost feel it.  My sincerest sympathies to you and your family.

Last week the big local news in Montreal (and Dallas) were that Bob Gainey, a wonderful man by all accounts and the GM of the Canadiens hockey team, lost a daughter in a freaky drowning accident on a sailboat 10 years after losing a wife to brain cancer.  The whole city was deeply touched and so was I...Why? Is it because I am a crier as well, which is more typical of women, I guess?  Or is it because I identify with the inimaginable pain of a parent who loses a child?    All I know is that it shakes me up and makes me think about how each one of us carries a burden, a tragedy, a pain and survives...It also makes me realize how lucky I have been so far in my life and how I should appreciate the Big picture more and stress less about small inconveniences.

I wish you all the best for 2007 and I look forward to your Rants and Ravings!

Posted by Sveta Melchuk, www.home-staging-montreal.com (Home Staging Montreal (HSM)) almost 14 years ago
Craig, you certainly touched many of us with this.  Thank you.
Posted by Maureen Francis & Dmitry Koublitsky, Coldwell Banker Weir Manuel (Coldwell Banker Weir Manuel) almost 14 years ago

Craig, I am back.  This time to congratulate you for writing the most memorable post of 2006, as decided by the voters of ActiveRain.


Posted by Maureen Francis & Dmitry Koublitsky, Coldwell Banker Weir Manuel (Coldwell Banker Weir Manuel) almost 14 years ago

"Even though I did not know your brother, he was fortunate to have you for a brother! It takes a real man to share such personal feelings. Thanks for allowing us into your life. Your specialness comes through loud and clear." I wrote this when you first posted your 100th blog.

Congratulations on the most memorable post of the past year!

www.HomeRome.com

Baltimore,Md

Posted by Margaret Rome Baltimore 410-530-2400, Sell Your Home With Margaret Rome ( HomeRome Realty 410-530-2400) almost 14 years ago
Craig, as I was nearing the end of your post I thought to myself... huh, I may get through this without the need for that Kleenex after all and then BAM! ...I got to the last two paragraphs and ya' got me.  I am so sorry for your loss.  I cannot even begin to imagine what it must be like to lose one of my big brothers that way.  Thank you for sharing this, but mainly - thank you for being you!
Posted by S. Leanne Paynter ☼ Broward County, FL, Davie, Plantation, Cooper City & Weston Specialist (United Realty Group, Inc.) almost 14 years ago

Craig,

I am so sorry for your loss.  I'm also sorry that I'm so late to this post. 

I too am a crier and this post has really touched my heart.  I will keep you and your family in my prayers.  I never really know what to say to someone when they've suffered a loss.  I often times cry for them in private.  My tears represent the words that I often find hard to express. 

Know that the tears I have shed tonight are for you.  You're a wonderful man. 

Much love.... "Pearly"

Posted by Sara Lipnitz (Max Broock Realtors) almost 14 years ago

Congratulations again on the post of the year.  A wonderful tribute to your brother, to your father, and to being yourself.  Your emotions are a strength. 

We sell because we care enough to emote.

Posted by Steve Dalton, Northwest Indiana Home Builder (219-465-8352 ) almost 14 years ago

Craig ~ congratulations on your post being the most memorable for 2006.  Your strength and willingness to expose your deepest emotions serves as an example for all of us.

Thank you,

kk

Posted by Kristal Kraft, Selling Metro Denver Real Estate - 303-589-2022 (Novella Real Estate) almost 14 years ago
Craig...Congratulations on your 2006 winning post. As someone who grew up with the mantra "big boys don't cry," it took me many years of adulthood and a lot of work to have the courage to cry in public. I learned what you've known for some time, that crying is merely allowing your emotions free expression. I remember that during the Gulf War of 1991, General Norman Schwartzkoff (spelling approximate), our commanding General was quoted as saying something like, "I will not have men in my command who do not cry. I don't trust them." 

You wrote from the heart about a subject of great importance. Beautifully done.


Posted by Bill Leider (Real Estate Shows) almost 14 years ago
FC: Congratulations - you touched the hearts of all of us, proof that blogging can bring the best out in people. Your family must be very proud of you, your success in staging, blogging and in being human.
Posted by Carole Cohen, Realtor, ePRO (Howard Hanna Cleveland City Office) almost 14 years ago
I'm with you, Craig.  A good Hallmark commercial gets me every time!  Congrats on Most Memorable Post.
Posted by Marisa Ladd, Austin, TX Real Estate (Austin Texas Homes, LLC) almost 14 years ago

Craig, I haven't read any of the comments above. I'm sure they are all very supportive, though since we have such a wonderful, caring community here in AR. I had not read your article and now that I have, I can certainly understand why I like you so much. You have a deep heart and a kind heart.

You are absolutely correct, that many of us go on and don't share some of the pain that we have. I think that it is a lot better for you to be able to be honest and let the tears flow when you need to. I've never thought it had anything to do with not being "manly" but I do think it has something to do with being "human." I am truly sorry for your loss and only hope that the pain lessens for you as the years go on. It will always be there but maybe just a little less as the years go on.

Posted by Gena Riede, Real Estate Broker - Sacramento CA Real Estate (916) 417-2699 (Riede Real Estate, Lic. 01310792) almost 14 years ago

Craig,

I have never seen or heard of you before. MY loss. I am one of the original AR' and regretfully have been gone for many months. I don't know how I found this post. Since I did, I will now have another blog I have to go to daily.

Do I cry? Unfortunately like many that have posted as well as maybe your brother, I was raised in a family where we were taught that we (as males) had to be strong (crying wasn't a sign of strength, never spoken, just taught). When I was a lad of 11 and my older brother of 12 died, I don't think I shed a tear (at least in front of anyone). Very sad. Still today, at almost 50, I have a hard time sharing true feelings. You are to be commended!! Will not go into more now, but thank you for sharing...and thank you (God or whoever directed me here after 6 months absence). Craig, you're a good man

Posted by Stan Mackey (Coldwell Banker Bain) almost 14 years ago

Great post Craig!

I agree that men should be able to show their emotions. Throughout the struggles my family has been through, I to have now found the strentgh that can be found in crying. Holding deep thoughts inside you and continuing the battle of passive agressiveness in our society has led to many unneeded deaths and tragic endings. To this, I salute you for your openness and courage :)

Happy New Year!

Scott

Posted by Scott Gormley (Oak Valley Mortgage-California Home Loans and Refinancing) almost 14 years ago
I see why so many liked this.  I will say however that when you see someone cry who almost never cries, it is heartwrenching.  I remember my grandmother, who was a very tough old bird, crying at my Dad's funeral.  I will never, ever, forget it.
Posted by ARDELL DellaLoggia (Better Properties Seattle ) almost 14 years ago

Craig, I can see why your post won best of the year! It humanizes us all and opens doors in the workplace for each of us to be real. Your brothers life of holding back the tears is now rain in the rain forest. A worthy life if only he knew. 

Love and prayers

Sheron 

Posted by Sheron Cardin, ARTIST - A Home Stager/Sellers Best Friend! (California Moods Inc) almost 14 years ago

 

Craig - You are nothing short of amazing.  I've typed about 20 sentences so far, and deleted them all.  Amazing is the only thing that makes sense.

 

Posted by Heather Harrell (Harrell Home Staging, LLC) almost 14 years ago

Thank you for sharing this transparent post.  I'm not sure how I navigated to your site.  I'm new to Active Rain and find myself being joyously "overwhelmed" by the quality of thought, insight and knowledge that is shared.  This IS the hope and strength that transcends the limited boundaries of a professional career; extraordinary individuals, like yourself and others in this network, using forums like this and in our everyday interactions to grow and heal the soreness that exists in all of us. 

Blessings,

Lola

Posted by Lola Audu, Audu Real Estate~Grand Rapids, MI ~Welcome Home! (Lola Audu~Audu Real Estate~Grand Rapids, MI Real Estate) almost 14 years ago

To all in the rain...

Thank you for the amazing words and personal emails that I have received since posting this. Many of you shared so many personal stories about suicide that... well, moved me to MORE tears.

I hope this post knocks away a bit of the power of suicide... by bringing it out into the light.

I believe that when it is hidden it has power. And people then rely on it... and with one final act self deprecating act then go out in blazing shame.

By talking about suicide I hope it stops some of the power the shame gives to people temporarily lost in life.

Peace to you all,

ME

Posted by Craig Schiller almost 14 years ago

Sometimes you just stumble onto an incredible post that you may have missed when it was first posted...

I understand the hole that is in your heart. I lost my youngest brother 17 years ago, I still miss him so much, and while you somehow learn to live with the pain, it will continue to sneek up on you. Just a few months ago I sat in a restuarant crying as I told his story to a friend. This good friend made me feel as if it was the most natural thing in the world to sit crying over dinner, and shared a few tears with me.

To this day we are not sure of the circumstances surrounding his death. His death was not confirmed until 15 months after he disappeared. He was my brother, but he was also a dear friend.  I know he lives on in our hearts, we can take great joy in that. Our daughter is tall and lanky, so was he. I take great comfort in knowing that reminders of him will continue on in small ways. 

You are in my thoughts and prayers. Your pain is shared by many people now. I hope that in some small way we can lighten your load.

 

Posted by inactive AR account almost 14 years ago

Hi Craig.

I have been out of the loop for awhile on Active Rain, and am catching back up.  Of course, one of the first things I do is read your blog. 

I was moved to my own tears as I read this particular entry.  It helps me understand a little bit better the source of your generous compassion and reaching out to others, including to me about my own sibling as she faces a battle against death each and every day. 

I often wonder if you ever sleep, with all the intelligent, witty and often moving and profound content you share with all of us, while you obviously run a successful business.  I can only assume that your motivation to do well and to do right runs very deep in your soul.  The world is a better place to have you in it. 

I am thankful to have made your acquaintance in this community, and look forward to learning much more from you.

Lisa

 

Posted by account deactivated (not listed) almost 14 years ago

I have finally had the opportunity to read this post, your 100th Craig.  It did something most posts, most stories, most movies, & most people just don't do for me....because it stirred my soul.  I will become an avid reader of yours here on forth Craig, not just for your words, but because of your very soul as well.

BTW - I am a crier as well.

Posted by Jason Sardi, Your Agent for Life (Auto & Home & Life Insurance throughout North Carolina) over 13 years ago

Great post... Thank you.

Posted by Wayne and Lynda Gomillion (Real Living Hagan Realtors | Pinehurst ~ Southern Pines, NC) over 13 years ago
Craig - I never saw this first post and thank you for sharing. Crying is the cleansing of the soul in many ways. Fortunate is the man who does not fear the release. God bless you and yours. You have shown this stranger another side of you and I am touched.
Posted by Karen Otto, Plano Home Staging, Dallas Home Staging, www.homes (Home Star Staging) over 13 years ago

Craig, you were right, this post is powerful. 8th leading cause of death? You'd never know it, because we don't talk about it much. It still stings. But this experience with quick and horrible loss made me who I am today, and I like her. Your family's tragedy has made you who you are, and I like him too :)

Air hug,

Sue 

Posted by Sue Argue, NH Home Stager (Staged First Impressions) over 13 years ago

Craig- Thank you for reposting this to Coffee Clutch and sharing this - your heart, with those of us that weren't here when you originally put it out there.  You are a brave soul, Craig.  I would have to agree with TLW on this one and call it inspired.  Peace to you and your family.

My youngest brother and I recognize the 31 anniversary of the death of our mom tomorrow - I don't think I'll be blogging about it. 

Jackie

Posted by Jackie Peraza, Home Stager - Framingham, Massachusetts (Perceptions AdverStaging(TM), LLC) almost 13 years ago

Thanks for sharing about your brother Craig. I'm so incredibly sorry to hear of his passing and will say an extra prayer for you today that you find peace and joy...and always remember him in good times.

Beth

Posted by Minnesota Home Staging Firm, Minnesota (Minnesota Home Staging Network~ MN's Top Home Staging Firm) almost 13 years ago

So sad to hear about your brother.  I'm also saddened by Tigers injury.  He gives the public everything they ask for - but sometimes it can backfire.

Posted by Tracy Santrock, Raleigh - Cary Realtor/Broker In Charge (Fonville Morisey/Santrock Realty Group, Inc. ) over 12 years ago

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay...

Too close to my inner self to read this again. I would cry my little eyes out. I just want to wake up and find out it's been just a bad dream. I've tried covering it with humor but just under the surface the tears sit waiting for the opportunity to take me out. I ain't gonna let them :)

Posted by "The Lovely Wife" (Broker Bryantnulls Wife) The One And Only TLW. (President-Tutas Towne Realty, Inc.) over 11 years ago

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